Introducing... The Secret Investor

And why you should never back anyone wearing trainers with a suit. Or Turkey teeth.

Sep 24, 2024

Hello Rainmakers,

We’ve got a special new treat for you.

You may have read The Secret Barrister, which lifted the lid on what really goes on inside the criminal justice system, or even The Secret Footballer, who spilled the beans on the dark reality of life within Our (not so) Beautiful Game.

Some may even remember Roger Cashman, who at least three Cheshire business bad boys were convinced was based on them.

We have secured the trust - and the services - of The Secret Investor. Someone who we’re introducing in today’s Rainmakers post. These posts are from someone who wants to get a few issues of their chest, scotch a few myths and slay a few dragons.

It is someone who genuinely - and succesfully - walks amongst you. It is not a comedy sketch by a journalist, or a put up job.

This post today will be free to all subscribers, free, paid and trial, just to show how we’re evolving Rainmakers.

THE SECRET INVESTOR

So what’s this all about?

This is a new feature column inspired by a recent conversation I had with Michael Taylor, of TheBusinessdesk.com and the editor of Rainmakers.

The aim is to give the readers a look through the keyhole of my part of the deal doing world, particularly venture investing, the chance to be a fly on the wall for the weird and wonderful management presentations, investment committee conversations and last ditch negotiations.

I intend to touch on the exciting world of Venture Capital, the high end world of private equity, or the heavily regulated public markets where nothing untoward ever goes on… right?

Despite recent economic troubles, we are living in a world where there are more investors than there have ever been. There are huge government backed pots of cash, there are foreign headquartered Private Equity houses marking their territory in the regions of England, and it is now estimated that in the UK you are never further than 12 feet away from a new “family office”.

And with all of that… comes heaps of bullshit, more phoney “experts” on every subject under the sun, more speaking gigs and panel discussions, 24 year old portfolio NED’s whose “standard” package eclipses the average UK salary, crazy valuations and fees… lots of fees.

I’d like the opportunity to explain all that to the average reader, the good, the bad and the ugly parts.

Who am I?

I am an experienced investor who has worked on and led deals and funding rounds across the full investment spectrum… from early stage angel investments made personally, right through the exciting world of Venture Capital and onto some of the largest private equity transactions this country has ever seen. Throw in a number of high profile IPOs, and I’ve probably worked with, alongside or across the table from the vast majority of the top investors, advisers and lawyers in the game. And if I haven’t, we’ve probably shared a beer or two at some point anyway!

Why the Secret Investor?

Good question… why not just Joe Bloggs’ investment column… to be 100% honest (which I will always be), it’s because as an anonymous columnist I can push the boundaries on what is exposed and opined on.

Some stories may also have names redacted, but they will always all be entirely true. The Secret Investor can give honest downloads of real conversations and call out some of the malpractice that takes place in our industry.

I’ll also be able to relay what goes on at a typical investment committee meeting.

You may or may not be shocked to find out that every conversation does not centre around detailed financials, strength of intellectual property and barriers to entry… often decisions are made based on much more important factors, such as the car the founder turned up in, or the glasses she wore, or the brand new “Turkey teeth” he had (or one of my personal favourites… “I liked that, but we’re not investing in a guy who wears trainers with a suit”)

Above all else, this column is intended to be good fun and an entertaining read.

But let’s be clear, there are far too many people in our industry who make a very good living without adding much to the industry they work in or the clients and investors they apparently serve.

This will be a good-natured, light-hearted way of calling out some of those people and the way they operate. If you get a mention by name, there’s a strong chance that the statement isn’t really aimed at you. If you see a story that clearly does refer to you, but without your name in it, there’s an even stronger chance that the Secret Investor doesn’t think very highly of you!

READY FOR THE UPTURN?

As the corporate finance community anticipates the end of a subdued and uncertain period, the upcoming Rainmakers Forum in Manchester on the 8th of October will explore the challenge of becoming deal-ready for 2025.

Catriona Lang and Nicola Merritt

Featuring insights and contributions from the winners of the Rainmaker Awards – Nicola Merritt and Catriona Lang – the event will look ahead at where the deals are going to come from in the year ahead.

With a more stable policy landscape expected following the general election and some economic headwinds easing, the seminar will concentrate on several key areas:

Current market demand and appetite
Changing culture and practice in the Rainmakers community
Funders’ primary areas of focus
The increasing significance of factors beyond financials, especially ESG and data
Opportunities within the North West market and Rainmakers’ role in driving growth

Event details to come soon. As well as the winning duo, the speaker line-up will also feature Giles Chesher from Squire Patton Boggs and Matt Hodgson from Claritas Tax, with more to be announced.

RAINMAKERS CONFERENCE IS BACK IN 2025

The art of such deals is just the sort of thing which will pepper our 2025 Rainmakers Conference.

It’s being supported by BGF, Dow Schofield Watts, NorthEdge, Palatine, Shawbrook, Squire Patton Boggs, while PHD Industrial Holdings is a breakout room partner.

So save the date for Rainmakers 2025 – Wednesday 26 March, 2025 – and secure your place today at The Point, Emirates Old Trafford, Manchester.

It will bring more opportunities to network, more amazing speakers, more candid debate, more inspiring entrepreneurs, but also a chance to discuss the challenges of value creation.

The first Rainmakers Conference this March sold out, with more than 400 people attending to hear the insights and perspectives from entrepreneurs, investors and advisors, and to network with senior figures from across the corporate finance community.

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